Stop Playing Small: Why I’m Finally Turning Up the Volume

 

Stop Playing Small: Why I’m Finally Turning Up the Volume

Have you ever been in a meeting (or out for drinks) and had a total "lightning bolt" idea? You’re about to speak, your heart does that annoying thump-thump, and then… you just swallow it.

You tell yourself, "Nah, I don't want to be 'that' person," or "I’ll just wait and see what they say first."

I’ve spent way too much time living life on mute, constantly adjusting my volume to make sure I didn't "bother" anyone. But honestly? Trying to be the person everyone expects you to be is exhausting. It’s like wearing shoes two sizes too small - you walk, but man, does it hurt.

The Cost of the "Safety" Zone

For years, I thought playing small was a strategy. I thought if I stayed quiet, I couldn't be judged. If I didn't take up space, I couldn't be criticized. I stayed in the "Safety Zone," a comfortable, beige-colored bubble where nothing bad happens, but nothing great happens either.

The problem with the Safety Zone is that it’s actually a cage. Every time you swallow a thought or say "yes" when you mean "no," you’re telling yourself that your needs and ideas aren’t as important as everyone else's comfort. After a while, you don't even recognize your own voice anymore. You become a background character in your own life story. We think we are being polite, but really, we are just becoming invisible.

The "Shaky Voice" Phase

Here’s the truth: The first time you actually say what’s on your mind, it’s going to feel awkward. Your voice might crack. Your face might turn red. You might feel that "hangover" of regret five minutes later where you think, “Why did I say that?!”

That’s not a fail. That’s growth.

It’s the sound of you finally showing up. There is a weird kind of magic that happens when you stop being an echo and start being a voice. Think about the people you admire most. Are they the ones who blended in perfectly? Or are they the ones who were a little bit "too much," a little bit too loud, or a little bit too honest?

The "Shaky Voice" phase is just the entrance fee to becoming the most authentic version of yourself. You have to be willing to be bad at it before you can be brave at it. Every time you speak through the nerves, you are training your brain to realize that the world didn't end just because you shared an opinion.

The "What If" Monster

We stay quiet because we’re terrified of the "What Ifs."

• What if they think I’m weird?
• What if I’m the only one who feels this way?
• What if I’m just… wrong?

But here’s a secret: The world has enough copies. It needs your specific, messy, unfiltered "frequency." Usually, when you’re brave enough to say the "weird" thing, three other people in the room exhale because they were thinking the exact same thing but were too scared to say it.

When you speak up, you give everyone else a "hall pass" to be real, too. Your courage creates a ripple effect. By refusing to play small, you’re inadvertently giving permission to the people around you to stand tall. You aren't just helping yourself; you're changing the energy of the whole room.

Why We Shrink

Most of us were raised to be "good." We were praised for being quiet, for being easy, and for not causing trouble. While those are nice traits in a library, they can be stifling in the real world.

Real connection doesn't happen when we are being "perfect" or "quiet." It happens when we are being real. If you are constantly filtering yourself through the lens of "What will they think?", you aren't actually giving the world you. You're giving them a curated, watered-down version that doesn't actually resonate with anyone. People can smell a lack of authenticity from a mile away. They don't want the "polished" version of you; they want the version that has something to say.

How to Start (The Baby Step Version)

You don’t have to grab a megaphone and scream from the rooftops by Monday. Turning up the volume is a dial, not a light switch. You can nudge it up one notch at a time.

Start with these "micro-wins":

1. Stop over-explaining. If you can’t make it to an event, "I can’t make it" is a full sentence. No apology tour needed. You don't need a three-paragraph excuse involving a fake headache or a busy schedule. Just own your time.
2. Share the "crazy" idea. That random thought you’ve been sitting on for months? Mention it today. Whether it's a new way to organize the kitchen or a massive pivot at work—just see what happens.
3. Take up physical space. Sit in the front row. Don't apologize for having an elbow on the armrest. Body language tells your brain that you belong there. Stop curling your shoulders inward to look smaller.
4. Order what you actually want. Next time you're out, don't wait for everyone else to order and then say, "I'll just have what she's having." Decide what you want first. It sounds small, but it’s a muscle you’re building.

The Bottom Line: Life is Lighter Out Loud

Once you stop performing and start just living, life gets a whole lot lighter. You’re not tired from the "act" anymore. The energy you used to spend monitoring yourself—checking your tone, editing your emails ten times, rehearsing conversations in the shower - is now yours to keep. You can use that energy to actually create things, to love people better, and to pursue the stuff that actually matters to you.

Don’t be afraid to let the world hear the real you today. The right people aren’t just listening - they’ve been waiting for you to join the conversation. The wrong people? They might leave. And honestly? Let them. When you turn up your volume, you might lose some people who liked you better on mute, but you will finally find the people who love your song.

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I want to hear from you!

This blog is a community, and I want to know your stories. What’s one "lightning bolt" thought you’ve been holding back lately? Or, what's a "micro-win" you've had recently where you spoke up?

Drop a comment below - this is a no-judgment zone! 

Let’s practice being loud together.

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I need these reminders as much as you do. Let's figure this out side by side.

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